Reclaiming hope after a divorce, breakup, or betrayal
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A divorce, breakup, or betrayal can leave you paralyzed and avoidant of the life you once loved and adored. The places you used to frequent that once felt like home become foreign and send a cringing pain down your spine when you pass by.
We spoke with Ellie Hope Collins, founder of Hope Reclaimed, about the tangible steps you can take to get you past the cringing pain you feel every time a memory or place leaves you paralyzed. Using Ellie’s reclaiming steps and staying grounded in the Word can help you on your journey to reclaiming hope.
Meet Ellie
Ellie Hope Collins is a podcaster, ministry leader, and a hope-bringer. After experiencing a devastating divorce after the discovery of an affair, Ellie took active steps to reclaim everything that reminded her of her divorce. By doing so, Ellie began to see God’s amazing hand of healing, and hope began to grow. Ellie is the founder of Hope Reclaimed and is passionate about encouraging men and women to see the healing power of Jesus in the disappointments and heartbreaks of life.
The reality of pain
Everyone’s need for reclaiming a breakup, divorce, or betrayal is different, everyone’s experience is different. What is the same for all is pain. Passing by restaurants, parks, and places that you have memories together can be heart-wrenching. Places that used to have such fond memories can feel so broken. “I would think I can never go back there again, I can never listen to that song again, I can’t do that because of the pain that I was going through and I just started to avoid everything and anything that reminded me of my marriage. And the list of these places just grew and grew,” said Ellie. “I just started living in fear, I started living in avoidance and I would drive the long way around because I didn’t wanna pass that place that brought that trigger, and the Lord revealed to me at one point that I was living in fear and I was living in avoidance, and that I didn’t have to, I didn’t have to do that anymore.”
The Reclaiming Process
Ellie determined that she did not want to live in fear and avoidance anymore. To break free, she created a list that then became the first step in the reclaiming process – identifying the pain. Ellie found that putting each place or memory on a list was a powerful way of thanking God for the tangible things that He wanted to heal. “God wants to heal and redeem every aspect of our life, including the restaurant that reminds us of what we’ve gone through, He wants to heal even that song, the pain that’s associated with the song that we danced to at our wedding. Nothing is beyond His redemptive power.” With a list in hand (over 200 places and memories), Ellie took the steps to face those feelings head-on by revisiting each place on her list and creating new memories. As she talked through the memories and the true feelings that arose when she was there she was able to release the pain that had started to consume her. “God wants to bring newness into the things that hold pain. Reclaiming is all about stepping back into those places to receive the healing that the Lord has for us and making a new memory and working out the heart pain that’s associated with the place.”
What if you’re not ready?
So, what if you are not ready to start the reclaiming process just yet? For Ellie, the best advice is probably the most churchy advice – go to Jesus. The Bible says that He is near the broken-hearted, that He is close to those that are crushed in spirit – He has come to bind up the broken-hearted. God doesn’t push us when we are sitting in our pain. God speaks over our pain, and so we can respond and weep with the Lord. “Weep with Him and trust that He is near the broken-hearted. You may not feel it, you may not feel like your heart is healed or healing because it’s so raw and it’s so real and it hurts so much, but the word is true, He is near the broken-hearted.”
Ellie also suggests getting support from other people. Seek out professional help through a licensed therapist or a counselor. “One of the number one things that I did, I found a therapist right away, and it was the most important thing for me to just get some help.” Find a good support system and join groups with others who know what you are going through and can support you in your journey. “Before you even start reclaiming, before you start doing anything or making any decisions, you gotta sit in your pain for a little bit, and it’s good to do that with Jesus, and it’s good to do that with other people too, to just know that you’re not alone and that there is hope for what you’re experiencing.”
More from this episode
Ellie has walked through the pain of a divorce and she knows what it is like to lean on God and others for their support. Ellie would like to support you right where you are in your journey of healing and help you reclaim your areas of pain. You can find free resources on the Hope Reclaimed website including a free support group for women and men healing from divorce or separation, and a podcast you can listen to on your favorite platform. Ellie also offers an 8-week online Reclaiming course that you can work through at your own healing pace.
Ready to connect with Ellie? Connect with her via Instagram and Facebook.
Looking to build a community of Christian women? Head over to Faith & Gather for connection and more stories to become faith-inspired.